The Path
by waterwitch602
Summary: Alice said that she makes the path and she meant it. But not even she knows where here path is going to take her.
1. Chapter 1

"_You won't remember me." _

Alice woke up, tears streaming down her cheeks. Whatever she had been dreaming of was all ready fading away, but that horrible sense of loss stayed, causing her to break into sobs. She wrapped her arms around herself and cried miserably until the hiccups started.

The first hiccup caught her by surprise mid sob because after all, Alice's hiccups had to be as singular as the rest of her. No small lady like hiccups for her, but great gasping things that made her whole body shake comically. The second one had her starting to sniffle. The third one gave her a small giggle, and by the fourth one she was laughing enough that the empty feeling that had clamped itself around her heart eased until it was just a shadow of sadness. That shadow had seemed an almost permanent fixture lately. It was so constant that the only time it moved from the corner of her mind to the forefront was when she woke up from her dreams. When she was a child the shadows had terrified her. She had always believed that whatever hid in the shadows would eventually pull her in and she would never be able to escape. But lately, the shadows didn't seem scary at all. She had started to believe that whatever thrives in the shadows might be just as wonderful as the things thrive in the light.

Actually, ever since she had hit her head right after Hamish's arrogantly dull marriage proposal, she was reconsidering a lot of things. Well to tell the truth, almost everything that she had been taught to hold tightly to for most of her life. Like her face being more important then her mind, needing a high ranked and wealthy husband, and how one's hair must always be perfectly coifed.

"And that is exactly why," she announced to her pillow, "I told Hamish no, and will be leaving for China today."

It wasn't just the way Alice viewed life that had changed since she had hit her head. It was as if some invisible barrier in her mind that kept her from truly being herself had vanished; been battered down by the blow to her head. Not that she was complaining! Far from it, she was immensely happy with the recent changes in her attitude. It was quite freeing, the ability to be one's self, to not have to hide behind polite phrases and proper attitudes. And the looks on people's faces were often some of the best rewards. The only down side to it was her dreams.

Her dreams had upset her even as a child, but at least they had always been the same and she had some memories of them when she woke up. Now the only thing she could catch was that sense of losing something important. That she had given up something dear. But why would she be feeling that way when the only thing she had given up recently was a chance to be the future Lady Ascot? No great loss there.

But losing her childhood dreams? At this point it was indeed a loss. No more strange animals dancing; only echoes of voices that no matter how hard she strained her thoughts, she simply could not recognize. And even then very little real sense of words; mostly just the sounds and cadences of them.

One was a woman's, soft, soothing, and melodious even when it went cold as ice. Another was male, smooth as cream and slippery as silk. And another man whose voice was haughty and biting. But the one she heard most often was as changeable as the weather. Male, definitely male, she thought as the memory of it sent slight shivers over her skin. Cheerful and slightly lisping one moment, angry and dark the next. In fact she had thought for a time that it might be two voices. They did seem to speak in two completely different accents, but the more she tried to focus on it, the more she believed she was dreaming of one person with two voices. What that meant about the state of her mind…well, it didn't really matter. If this was the price she had to pay for suddenly being happy and free, then she would accept it. Not that it seemed she actually had any choice about it.

She climbed out of bed and went to look out her window. It was dark, her voyage still many hours away. No wonder the disturbing dreams (yet somehow forgettable and really how something could upset her so and still be forgotten was beyond her!) had become nightly disturbances. This was the most exciting, terrifying thing she had ever done in her life. She had barely eaten the night before and doubted she would be able to put down anything at breakfast. Which she reminded herself, was a good thing since she had never been on a voyage before in her life. Her father had used to tell her the funniest stories about men whose stomachs could not handle the up and down motion of the boats. It didn't seem quite as funny now that she was the one risking her stomach.

But oh, the worries over her stomach were nothing compared to how excited she was. I'm going to see China, she thrilled exultantly. She had read as much as she could the past few weeks and the idea of this place that was like another world was nothing short of wondrous.

She stared at the stars. Would they look the same on the other side of the world? She opened the window and let the soft breeze blow her sleep tousled curls back from her face. She slowly reached up a hand to the sky, enjoying the image of the stars seeming to rest on her fingertips. Lately, it seemed as if the stars were the only friends she had. They listened and did not judge. Quite the contrary, they seemed to silently approve, twinkling their agreement when she told them of her joys and her fears.

Everyone else thought she had gone mad of course. If nothing else leaving today would be a blessing to get away from the near constant arguments. Her mother had used every method possible to try and convince her not to leave; from bribery ("Darling, we'll make sure you have the loveliest wedding dress any bride has ever seen.") to outright emotional blackmail ("If you do this I'll never be able to show my face in public again! How can you hurt me like this?"), but she had stood firm. She wanted this path. And if people believed she had taken leave of her sense, then all the better! They used to say the same thing about her father and look where he had ended up. A highly successful businessman, as well as an adored father and husband. Alice could think of worse ways to end up. Well not as a husband, her gender rather excluded that notion, but adored by her family? She could be quite happy with that. Current reactions however made that idea almost laughable.

Her sister was no better then their mother, thinking Alice was just nervous about the idea of marriage. "Alice, married life is wonderful. I was frightened at first as well, but Lowell is so wonderful, and Hamish will be just as wonderful. Being is frightened is natural, but you can't let it make do something like this!" Ha! If Hamish was just as wonderful as Lowell, then she could not wait to be as far away from him as possible. Of course she was frightened, frightened of ending up just like her sister, trapped with a man that she did not love her or even respect her to keep his trysts a secret. A man like Hamish would never encourage her dreams, or smile at impossible flights of fancy. No instead her life would be become a never ending stream of quadrilles, corsets, and stomach blockages! Rather then appreciate as many as six impossible things, he would try to forbid her from even having one! Not if she could help it! The girl she had been a few weeks before this had been willing to accept it. Perhaps she needed to trip over rabbit holes more often?

"If I ever get married," she declared to her sparkling confidantes, "It will be to a man that believes me to be just as important as he is." Her father would have agreed with her. After all, hadn't he been the one to teach her about the family business? If he hadn't wanted her to stand as his equal as well as any other mans, why else would he have made sure to teach her things that no simple wife would need. How to barter, how recognize the quality of a product, how to read a contract, and so many other things that no proper wife and mother would need or care to do. Perhaps this had been his plan all along, but he had died too young to be able to inform her. Or perhaps he had thought she was too young at the time of his passing. But either way, Charles Kingleigh's daughter was ready to following his footsteps.

"I'll make you proud," she whispered softly. "I'll make the journeys that you didn't get to make, and I'll make sure that your company becomes everything that you dreamed it would and more. Even if no one else is proud of me, I will make sure that you are." As though he had heard her, her eyes were suddenly blinded by a ray of light.

She blinked in surprise. The sun was coming up. How long had she been standing there thinking to herself? It seemed as if only moments ago the stars had still been performing their nightly dance across the sky. A wave of sadness came over her. She had hoped to say goodbye to them just in case they were different in the sky across the seas and above China.

"Leave it to me to get homesick before I've even left," she told the rising sun, who was not quite the friend that the stars were, but still comforted her by being there. Turning away from the window, she decided that she would go double check her luggage before washing and bathing. Today her adventure would begin.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hello Absolem," she said smiling at the stunningly blue butterfly that had landed on her shoulder. She blinked in confusion as it took wing flying above her head until it was no longer even a darker speck amongst the blue of the sky. Perhaps if she squinted? No definitely gone. A bit of a shame. It had been so pretty and she would have liked to see it for a moment longer.

Where had that name come from? Probably just another flight of fancy, she reassured herself. But when had her imaginings begun to include names for insects? Nerves of course, she told herself. Just because she wanted this didn't make her any less scared and she had always retreated into her imagination when life became too overwhelming. She continued to smile and wave at the people on the docks, not letting any of her inner confusion show on her face. The last thing she needed was to give her mother and sister any reason to think to she might be reconsidering her decision.

And so she waved and smiled as the sailors bustled around her, calling out unfamiliar terms and tying ropes in different places. One in particular gave her a wink, as if he knew exactly why the smile on her face was as false as knave. She found herself relaxing in response, making it a bit easier to keep smiling. She waved until her arm was stiff and when the dock was out of sight, it was such a relief to simply lean on the side of the boat and stare at the waves.

All right perhaps staring at the waves was not the greatest idea, she realized as her stomach gave a small lurch. She turned around; her eyes searched for a more stable object to watch, but not much seemed to be forthcoming. She closed them, hoping that a lack of any vision would do the trick.

"You'd do best turning back around and keeping your eyes on the horizon, Miss." She jumped in surprise and her eyes flew open. The sailor that had winked at her earlier was now standing next to her, smiling sympathetically.

"From the color of your face right now, I'd say you're a first timer. Captain got a bit worried about you and sent me over to give some help. Your best chance of getting your stomach under control until you grow into your sea legs is to stare as far across as possible where there's going to be the least amount of movement." He gently placed his hands her shoulders and turned her around to face his suggested direction. After a few minutes of staring, her stomach did indeed begin to settle down, all though it was still making occasional jumps for freedom. She smiled at him gratefully.

"Thank you, sir," Alice said, turning to look at her newly acquired helper. He couldn't possibly be more then five years older then her, but his sun darkened skin and the lighter streaks in the shoulder length hair that should have been color of tree bark spoke of someone who had spent a long time at sea. His brown eyes crinkled at her cheerfully as he took his hands away from her shoulders.

"No sir here, Miss," he said, a slightly teasing note in his voice. "M'names Alec Miller, and you would be Miss Kingsleigh, otherwise known as the only person on board besides the captain that could tell me to fetch them a drink and I'd have to get it or face a keelhauling! Course, I'd have to get his drink first. Captain's word be the law aboard a ship. "

"Surely you are exaggerating Mr. Miller," said Alice in the most icily prim and proper way she could come up with. Alec's face dropped upon hearing the lack of humor in her voice.

"I would only have you keelhauled if you brought me the wrong drink." This part said with a saucy smile, the likes of which she hadn't given anyone since before her father passed away. Another wave of confusion came over her. Surely she had given someone that smile since then. A memory danced in the back of her mind, but before she could reach out for it, she was distracted by the hearty laughter of her companion.

"Ha!" laughed Alec as he realized how easily she had tricked him. "I knew it when you first climbed on board. I said to meself, Alec there's a girl that knows how to laugh. Maybe this voyage won't be as dull as it always is with the other lads pissing and moaning about their pay and their…well some things are best left unmentioned, aye?"

He gave her another wink and continued speaking before she could tell him that no it should be mentioned as she hadn't the faintest idea what he meant.

"And there I am contemplating how I'm going to get enough time to talk with you and see if you did have a real smile under that silly mask you were pretending was your face, when lo and behold the captain himself calls me over." He cleared his throat and gave a mocking air of self importance to his voice before continuing.

"Alec, he says, do you see that girl over there up at the bow? That girl is Lord Ascot's new apprentice. That same Lord Ascot what owns this boat and makes sure that we get a good wage at the end of this mess. So Alec, my lad since you're the only dog here that won't be… well anyway he decided that me being as close to your age as I is, I had the best chance of getting you to listen to some good advice before you got so ill you'd be falling off the side. So this makes your welfare my current duty until you or the Captain see fit to say otherwise. And how is your stomach feeling now, Miss?"

She opened her mouth to respond and with a shock realized that her stomach was fine. Had been fine for several minutes, but she had been so caught up listening to him speak (and oh how did she want to find a way to lure those censored parts out of him) that she hadn't even been paying attention to it.

"I believe, Mr. Miller that you have worked a bit of seafaring magic on me. What is your secret?"

"No secret at all Miss. It's a well known sailing fact that distraction is one of the best tricks for a mild case. And believe me you are a mild case."

"And what makes me a mild case?" Alice asked raising her eyebrows curiously. Alec leaned forward and beckoned her closer with a finger as if to tell a secret. She leaned in and he whispered softly in her ear.

"You haven't collapsed on the floor and needed to be carried down to your quarters like Lady Ascot did when her husband made her come on one of his voyages."

A shocked laugh burst out of Alice, the kind of loud, boisterous laugh that ladies weren't supposed to make in public. She waiting for a moment for some kind of scolding or scowl to come from her new found friend, but instead he was laughing right along with her. Oh the image of ludicrously proper Lady Ascot confined to her bed with bouts of seasickness. She knew it was mean spirited of her, but she simply could not stop giggling.

"Are you telling the truth or just trying to make me laugh?" she suspiciously asked in between giggles.

"As the good Lord is my witness," Alec said, solemnly laying a hand across his heart, "It happened just as I said. You laughing was just a nice side effect to it, Miss."

"Oh you simply cannot share a story like that with me and keep calling me Miss. Alice will do quite fine." She expected him to smile and address her by her given name. Instead he stopped smiling and took a step back from her.

"Now Miss, you should know better then that. Twouldn't be right for someone like me to be addressing someone like you in a familiar way."

"Someone like me? And what exactly would that be?" Her hands went to her hips, a show of defiance that no matter how hard Helen had tried, she had never been able to break her daughter of it. Alec squirmed a bit under her gaze, but continued to hold his ground.

"You are a right proper lady and I am a sailor. Not even an officer, just a sailor. Now I wasn't raised with no proper manners, but even a sea dog like meself knows enough to understand that someone like me can't be familiar with someone like you." He crossed his arms across his chest. She supposed it was some sort male version of her hands on her hips.

"Well Mr. Miller. Let me ask you this. What kind of a "right proper lady" takes off on a sea voyage to the other side of the world with no male escort in site?" He squirmed a bit, looking more and more uncomfortable. "They didn't tell you, did they?"

"Tell me what?"

"That I am absolutely mad. Gone completely round the bend." She watched his eyes move back up to hers, interest peaked. "After all, Mr. Miller, what kind of proper lady comes aboard a ship to travel to halfway around the world, with no escort and her hair unbound?"

"Begging your pardon, Miss Kingsleigh, but being strange doesn't make you mad. Met plenty of strange folks in my life, specially with some of the places I've been to. And besides, being odd doesn't change the trouble I'd be getting in for stepping on any toes."

Alice pursed her lips in frustration. She wanted, no needed a friend on this voyage. She hadn't even realized how dreadfully lonely she until this cheerfully honest person had started talking to her. She was so very tired of feeling alone.

And perhaps he sensed this, as when he began to speak again, his tone was more sympathetic. "Now then Miss, would you rather go down to your cabin to take a lie down or are you feeling up to staying here?"

She easily recognized it for the olive branch it was. If she went down to her cabin, he would go back to whatever normal duties he had on the deck. If she stayed up top, they could continue to talk.

"I think, Mr. Miller," she said solemnly, "That your conversational skills are a wonderful cure for seasickness and my stomach would be much safer if you stayed to distract me a while longer." He smiled and led her over a few wooden boxes that were just the right size to sit on.

"Well all right then. But I would like to know, well if it ain't going to be intruding on your privacy too much…" he trailed off. She waited curious about what he was going to ask. "How does a lady like yourself end up sailing on a ship to negotiate silk prices with China men?"

She smiled as she settled herself on top of new seat. "Well it all started on the day that I received my first and well quite probably last marriage proposal."

Alice gave herself over to the simple pleasure of making a new friend as home slowly grew further and further away. She should have been sad. She should have been homesick. She should have missed her family. Yet she found herself smiling more in the first few hours of her journey then she had in years.


	3. Chapter 3

Nighttime while sailing was the most beautiful thing Alice had ever seen. The sparkle of the stars reflecting countless times across the ever moving waves was hypnotic. She wished that she could walk upon the waves just so she could join the dance.

"Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?" She sang, raising her hands above her head and twirling around, once, twice, three times for good luck. Her laughter rang across the deck and the sailors that had taken the night duties rolled their eyes and shrugged. For months now they had sailed with this odd young woman and most of them had gotten used to her. A few made the sign of the evil eye and muttered darkly about women on boats, but the weather held steady and the complaints became a minority.

Nearly all the sailors had watched her odd behavior at one time or another and the fact that she was quite mad had become common knowledge. She would burst randomly into song while dancing along the deck with an invisible partner. Or she would run up to one of the sailors, golden curls tumbling everywhere and brown eyes sparkling. He would be half in love with her until she opened her mouth and announced that the clouds seemed sad that day, would he say a few words with her to cheer them up? And there she would stand, waiting for an answer until Alec came to collect her like the handler the captain had deemed him.

For the most part they had come to avoid the strange young woman. "Let Miller deal with her," they grumbled. "Cap'n put him in charge of her and it can stay that way." Which was exactly how the two of them had planned it.

Alice grinned with real pleasure at the great trick she had played upon almost the entire ship. She wasn't completely ignorant of the dangers a woman traveling alone could face on a ship full of men. And so she and Alec had used the fact that she was odd and given to flights of fancy to her advantage. She would let loose the thoughts in her head, pretending as though she couldn't control them or differentiate them from reality, and Alec would feed the crew's desire for a bit of gossip afterwards.

They almost completely avoided her now and she had the perfect excuse for Alec (she simply couldn't think of him as Mr. Miller even if he still insisted on keeping their names formal) to be able to spend a large amount of his time keeping her company. They had told the captain the truth of course. Alec had insisted. She had been afraid at first that he would be angry, but instead he had burst into laughter and congratulated them on coming up with a solution for keeping the men away from her before he did.

And so having grown into her sea legs quite splendidly, she could sing and dance by herself beneath the moonlight without anyone bothering her. And dance she did! Every night she twirled and swayed beneath the stars, celebrating her new life. Well that was how her nightly dancing tradition had started. She closed her eyes, not fearing falling off the side. With her eyes closed, she could feel a pair of arms wrapped warmly around her, fingers making lazy patterns up and down her back. _His fingers were rough, _the thought came unbidden. She sighed softly, never wanting it to end.

She still dreamed every night. More and more often she dreamed of the man with two voices. Any words that he gave to her were still lost upon waking, but the inflections became more and more clear. Joyous, angry, determined, lost, hopeful, but most of all tender. The tenderness in his voice would wrap around her like a butterfly's cocoon until it shredded around her as she was pulled back to the waking world, leaving her alone again.

And so she rarely let herself sleep. Instead she played under the stars, singing and telling herself stories. She kept a journal of her journey. Well it was supposed to be of her journey, but instead had become filled with speculations. What did his eyes look like? How does one man have two voices? And why was she convinced that she knew what his fingers felt like?

This part of her madness (for really what else could it be?) where she could swear she felt his touch was fairly new. It had started shortly after beginning her voyage. She had awoken from one her dreams upset as normal. But instead of opening her eyes she had squeezed them shut, trying to keep the tears from pouring out. And for first time, she had felt those invisible arms cradle her close. Felt safe and warm for first time since the dreams had started. And so she retreated into it more and more often. It failed more often then it worked, and Alice had spent most of her alone time curled up praying for a dream rather then paying attention to reality.

"You are dangerously close to falling overboard. Stupid girl," a voice right next to her ear informed her. With a small shriek of surprise her eyes flew open. She whirled around trying to find the source of her shock, but no one was in sight. As she turned and her eyes hunted for her mysterious visitor, her foot caught on an unseen rope and down to the ground she went, landing squarely on her back and elbows.

"You all right Miss Kingsleigh?" called one of the sailors. A small group of them were heading towards her at a quick jog. The first one that reached helped her to her feet, peering in her eyes to make sure she wasn't concussed. "Did ya hit your head, then?" he asked.

"No, no, I'm fine, really," she said embarrassedly. She held up her scraped her arm as proof. "All the fall was right there and really it could be much worse." She continued to look for the person who had caused her fall to begin with, but the three men who had come to assist her were the only people in sight. After reassuring them again that she was fine, the sailors headed back to their business, leaving a bruised and confused Alice behind them. She flopped down on the ground, without hurting herself this time.

"So now I'm hearing voices. Absolutely wonderful," she groaned to herself. She looked up at the stars, half hoping to find an answer. "Is this punishment for playing tricks?"

"Doubtful," said the same voice from somewhere above her head. She shot to her feet as swiftly as a puppet being pulled by its strings. She knew that voice. It was so familiar.

"Who are you? And where are you?" she cried out, craning her neck in an attempt to look for her mysterious stranger's hiding place. A heavy sigh floated out of the air.

"Turn around and look at the mast," he replied. She stared at the mast in confusion. "Oh very well," sighed the voice in disgust. A butterfly that she hadn't noticed in the dark took off and flew directly in front of her eyes. It delicately landed on her nose, wings barely fluttering.

"Is this close enough for you to see?" the butterfly asked. She crossed her eyes in order to see it better. It was a beautiful shade of blue, just like the butterfly she had seen when first leaving England. But it couldn't possibly be…could it?

"Speechless? That's such a rare thing for you I almost wish he was here to witness it," the butterfly remarked dryly. She gaped for a moment longer.

"Well it's not every day that butterflies talk to me. In fact, it's not any day so I'm afraid you'll have to forgive my lack of speech," Alice replied. She stared at it for a moment longer, trying to let her shock sink in. "Am I dreaming?"

"Why do you always believe that you are dreaming? Quite a foolish way to look at things," replied the butterfly taking off from her nose and landing back on the mast. She uncrossed her eyes and tried to take in what was happening. She was having a conversation with a butterfly. A mostly one sided conversation, but a conversation none the less. Wait, something he had said wasn't quite right…

"Wait a moment what do you mean always? You act is if you know me!" she spluttered in surprise. The butterfly stopped moving for a moment. It made Alice wish she was artist, she wanted to paint it…him, that voice was definitely male, and name the painting something pretty and impossible.

"Ah, so that's the why of it," he mused softly, as if to himself. Before Alice could ask him what he meant by that, it took off from the mast and landed delicately on her shoulder.

"As far as knowing you, we have met all ready. In fact, you called me by name, stupid girl," he informed her, voice full of haughty, superior knowledge.

"Absolem," she whispered, remembering how she had known that was his name. How she had dismissed it as her imagination and then forgotten about it.

"Yes," he answered. "And you are definitely Alice. In fact, I think you might be becoming even more Alice then you all ready were."

"I know your voice," she murmured, her voice trembling with confusion. "Why do I know your voice?" She pinched herself on the arm like father had taught her. Once, twice, but the talking blue butterfly stayed exactly where he was. Once more, but Alice did not wake up in her cabin.

"All right," she said softly. "Not a dream then. But that still does not explain why I know your voice." Dreams! That was it! His was the biting voice from her dreams. "I've dreamed about you. I never remember you afterwards, but I've dreamed of you."

"I assume that you do not remember any of your dreams then?" Absolem asked, seeming curious instead of bored for the first time since this insanity had begun.

"Just voices. Sounds…the way they make me feel. And how I feel when they're gone. Every night I dream, and every night I cannot remember. I try and I try until I am ready to pull my hair out by its roots, but I just can't remember. I was so convinced that it meant nothing, just fears of travel, still mourning my father…" She looked down at the butterfly on her shoulder. "Yet here you are, real. This can't be a dream. My dreams aren't like this. Well I don't know that they aren't like this since I don't remember them, but this is too real and the pinch isn't waking me-"

"You're babbling," he interrupted her, now sounding amused. "All though I think I can safely assume where you picked that habit up from."

"Are you going to actually tell me what any of your cryptic comments means or is it a guessing game?" she asked, starting to feel frustrated. "Here you are acting as though you know so much about me when all I know is your name."

"Hmmm," said Absolem. "I do actually feel rather bad for you. It must be getting quite repetitive." He took off from her shoulder and landed neatly on the deck. And this time even though his words still make any sense, they felt right. She did feel as if she had done this before and he certainly seemed to know her. And if he was real, maybe the other voices in her dreams were real as well.

She gasped, a deep intake that was harsh in sound and feeling. Her heart seemed to stop beating as she felt the blood drain from her face. Her breath was caught in her chest and for a moment she knew she was going to faint. And then her breath released and she was dizzy, but she would not let herself faint, not when she was about to find out what might the most important thing in the world.

"He's real too, isn't he?" she asked, her voice twisted and wound with hope and tears, joy and terror. "The man with two voices is real. I hear him and my heart hurts. When I close my eyes, I feel a person, I feel hands touching me, and arms holding me, and I think that they might be his."

"Please," she begged, her voice breaking under more emotions then she had realized she was carrying with her. "Tell me who he is?" Absolem remained silent for a minute and the world seemed to teeter on the edge of his barely moving wings.

"What would you call a situation that is completely impossible, cannot be explained by any rational thoughts, yet still exists?" he asked her. She blinked, taken aback by the change of subject. She started to scold him for it, but an unknown instinct told her that if she challenged him now, she would never get the answers she was looking for. With a deep breath, she forced herself to let go of her curiosity and thought carefully about his question.

"Magic," she said finally. It was the only answer that made any sense.

"Magic," repeated Absolem. "It's as good a word as any. And would you agree that it makes sense that magic must have and follow its own laws in order to work?" She nodded, fascinated by the idea.

"Then listen well, girl because I won't repeat myself. There is magic in what you're doing. Making your way in a world that discourages, nay forbids women to take care of anything besides hearth and home is a magic all on its own. I could answer your questions, tell what you cannot remember. But that would be breaking the rules. To stop you from finding your own path would destroy all of the magic and you will never find what you seek. You have to find where you're going on your own, with no assistance from anyone else whom the magic has touched."

"But…I don't even know what I'm looking for," said Alice, feeling thick and dull witted. The world was moving so fast that at the moment it seemed quite possible that she could lose her grip and fall so far down that she would never find her way back.

"Exactly the point," he told her. "If you knew what you might find, what would be the point of the journey?" Alice absorbed this statement for a moment, a sad awareness in her eyes.

"If I spend the whole journey looking at one tree, I'd miss the entire forest," she said. She had closed her eyes against her surroundings earlier, straining to feel those phantom arms not caring about anything else that might be in front of her. If he had not chosen to speak to her, she would have missed the otherworldly butterfly. She often chased Alec to bed early o the pretense on wanting time alone with the stars, but she had been ignoring her dear friends the stars in favor of chasing a dream.

It wasn't fair, she silently wailed. She longed for that dream so much it was a fist around her heart squeezing until she wasn't sure if there was room for anything else in there. Despair, she realized with a start. She was giving in to despair over a dream! Yes it was a dream that might be real, but it wasn't enough to give up on everything she had gained. How could I have let this happen she wondered? A good clean burst of anger raced through her, singeing the edges of the obsession that had clutched her tight.

"Poetic and apt," he replied. "It's very interesting that you forget things so easily, yet at least you seem to grow smarter each time all though I doubt you'll ever really get past dim witted. Is it safe for me to assume that this growing intellect means that you can figure out what you need to do next?"

Alice stood up and brushed her curls out of her eyes. She reached her hands up to the sky, catching her friends on her fingertips for the first time since leaving home. Her father would be so disappointed to see her this way. Trying to run away from life and hide in a dream! It's time to grow up Alice, she told herself firmly. Her anger was like a cleansing fire, destroying the shell of misery she had captured herself in. She felt so similar to how it had been after Hamish's proposal. Fierce and proud, nothing would stop her, not even herself. And no lump on the head this time, she thought mirthfully. There was magic at work here? Then she would prove herself worthy of it. After all there must be a reason that this was happening to her. She held her head high, her poise queenly and strong.

"I need to live my life instead of hiding from it. I need to make the path instead of hoping it takes me where I want to go." She smiled at Absolem, a smile full of pride and strength, a smile that could rival the sun in its beauty and brightness "My life will be a journey, not a destination. Just like I planned before I started obsessing over these dreams."

"Bravo," he said. "And now if you'll excuse me, I have other journeys to make." He brushed off her disappointed expression with a flutter of his wings. "We'll see each other again. Fairfarren, Alice."

She watched him fly away for a few minutes, feeling much more Alice then she had months. And in celebration, she danced again under the stars, this time with her eyes wide open and her heart full of joy.


End file.
